I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
