Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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