Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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