I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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