Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
