He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize