I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Found the puke drawer
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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