My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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