I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Randomize
