God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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