as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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