Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
That's when you crack a 10am beer
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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