Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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