So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
