On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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