Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize