The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I need a beard to bite.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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