Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
