hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
