i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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