FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
