I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
