This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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