i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I take back everything I said about communal showers
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
