You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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