Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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