hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
