This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
