hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
