I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
