I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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