You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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