he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
