We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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