Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He? As in you personified your dick?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
