ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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