Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
