Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
