Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
