You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
