You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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