id be glad to
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize