I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You're completely useless in the revolution.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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