Do you still have your period?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
