she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
