It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
