Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize