she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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