mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
