Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
