The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Text me some of your sweat
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
