How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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