I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
