So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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