i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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