An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
