You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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