I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
