I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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