Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
