Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
