Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
