I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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