The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
