I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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