Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
