I want to stick my p in your. b.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
