I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
