exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
