I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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