he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize