So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
