I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
