This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
