Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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